Stabbing Worms

If you run into a fairly normal-looking woman who suddenly begins making stabbing motions at the floor, you'll know you have met Lizard Eater.

See, the dark scary thoughts, as I have written about before, sneak up on you, unnoticed, until they're in your head and you're weeping. For me, they usually come for me at night, when I'm in bed and my defenses are down. I see them as worms. Creepy, crawly worms, quietly wriggling over the foot of the bed, inching up the bedspread, and crawling in one's ears.

The closer we get to Little Warrior's surgery -- Friday -- the hungrier the worms get. They're no longer willing to wait 'til night. Now, when I least expect it ... when I am, for instance, sitting in a hospital exam room, waiting 5 hours for a 5 minute procedure, they begin inching up my shoe, over my jeans, across my shirt, foot over foot up my hair and into my ear ... and suddenly, I am thinking about something I really do NOT want to be thinking about at that particular moment, and oh geez, the tears are starting, fuckitall I wore eye makeup today ...

So, I envision taking the ole straight hoe my mama used to use to lop the heads off snakes in our back yard (making no distinction between the copperheads and king snakes), and I begin stabbing the heck out of those worms at my feet.

STAB, STAB, STAB!!! GO AWAY, WORMS!!!

So far, it's working pretty well. I get a few strange looks and the other parents hurry by me with their children, but that's okay.

STAB, STAB, STAB.