I've never understood how this concept is not obvious, but clearly it isn't because so many people say appalling things along the lines you describe.Thank you for articulating that so nicely. CC
I can't thank you enough for saying the things I haven't thought of saying or haven't dealt with quite yet. Even though our situations are, admittedly, completely different, your thoughts are sometimes so similar to mine.Many people tell me I was chosen by God to suffer this type of pain or be a perfect mother to raise a special child. They believe that I was hand picked by God, so to speak. I know that these people mean well, but they have no idea what it's like to be in my shoes. I'm definitely not a superhero, so when I feel weak, tired, and out of patience, I used to wonder what was wrong with me. What it comes down to is that I don't believe that God singled me out because of something I did wrong, something I did right, or because I can "handle" it and another parent couldn't. I am the furthest thing from a perfect parent. I believe what occurred to my son was a completely random occurence in this wonderful world that God made, although I also believe Erik is definitely a child of God and loved by God every day. When people tell me that "God won't give you more than you can handle," I have to bite my tongue and wonder how they explain the cases where there was a suicide in a family or someone shut themselves off from their child and the world when their plate was heaped full of pain. Did God forget about them, then? Did he deliberately give them too much? Nah. I don't think so.Why do some of us have kids that live and others don't? Our pastor just explained faith as knowing God loves you and that nothing can separate you from God's love -- Faith is not the promise that everything will be "all right" because a lot of times it simply isn't all right. I don't think people really think about what comes out of their mouths and how it can affect someone who is hurting. I know that now I can see things from this side of the fence, there is a list of things I will never say to another person. Okay, I'll stop clogging up your blog now. Thank you, as always, for giving me something to think about.
Again I say that I so know that it doesn't compare at all.....But I felt this so strongly when my Mom died. My Mom was so full of strength and grit and fight. She was strong and amazing and vibrant. And she still died.And I would hear people say to others, "I know you'll beat this because you're a fighter," and I would think--what, and my Mom isn't/wasn't??" Was a sock in the stomach on top of losing her.And I've taught myself to never say such things again either.
There are times when the only faithful thing to do is to bow before the Mystery and say, in your case, "thank you," in other cases, "please," or "help". The rest of us get to say, simply, "I'm so glad," or "I'm so sorry," it's too simple for most of us. Have a wonderful holiday season.
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