Sunday, November 05, 2006

Haggard: A UU Mother's View

I will admit to watching the whole Haggard thing with a jaundiced eye. Really, don't most of us wonder, "gee, is he protesting too much?" when someone keeps railing about the sin of homosexuality?

But today, reading the letter he sent to his congregation, I found myself looking at the situation from the point of view of what I am -- a mama.

"There is part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I've been warring against it all of my adult life," he wrote.

The idea that one of my children could hold that sort of self-hatred inside ... my god, it sinks my heart.

I'm not going to get into all complexities -- hypocrisy, infidelity, etc. Others will comment on that.

But the idea that this man (I assume) grew up being taught that to be gay was so evil ... "repulsive," the word he used ... it physically hurts me, thinking of him holding that belief in his heart, while the attraction he felt was for men. The loathing he must have had and has, for himself.

My babies ... love and yeah, lust, are such an important part of what makes life rich. To hate yourself for that. To be disgusted by yourself. To think yourself evil.

According to, "Focus on the Family founder James Dobson, one of three pastors named Sunday to counsel Haggard and his family, issued a statement Friday saying he was 'heartsick' upon learning of Haggard's admissions."

I am, too. But for a very different reason.

1 comment:

Nancy said...

I had the same thoughts about this man. I wanted to hate him for gay bashing all of this time and undoubtedly secretly causing others in in congregation pain but ended up feeling sorry for him upon finding out he is asking people to HEAL him from having these desires. I can imagine his struggles all of his life have destroyed him. My husband was brought up with these teachings (homosexuality is wrong) and met me, a spiritual but fairly liberal feminist with married gay friends who are completely devoted to each other. Needless to say, he has changed his tune about the whole issue, although I know he still has problems with it, now that he has asked questions about them and gotten to know them over the years.

I'm a Presbyterian...the USA variety, not the variety that I believe Mr. Dobson is. My husband gave me some tapes Dobson did on how to be completely submissive and virtually silent before we married, and it caused me to doubt myself and my beliefs for some time. It almost tore us apart and caused me great pain. To this day, his name makes me shudder. In the limousine after getting married, I took my ring off to see what was engraved says -- "MY PARTNER." :)

I wonder how many kids have committed suicide or comtemplated it after being told repeatedly they are bad and sinful for being who they are. My heart breaks, too, having friends who were and are still being told that as adults.