Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Night before

Thank you, all of you, for your prayers and energy. I will carry them with me. At the end of our church service, we make a circle around the sanctuary and all hold hands. That's what this feels like ... I feel like I have a "circle" of friends around the country, all linked.

For the most part, I'm okay. AdventureGirl is here, my dear sister-in-law. Last Fall, she scaled mountains in Ecuador. This week, she takes care of Team Lizard Children. Which will she decide was more difficult?

I'm up and down. Mostly up, because Little Warrior seems fine. Stinker bell, even. But tonight, when I put her to bed, I cried a few tears. Just because it will be a few nights before I see her sleeping that peacefully again. It will be with an oxygen canula and iv and pain. And I just got so damn mad, you know? That this pink-cheeked ball of fun is going to have to go through that. Again.

The Husband and I both think that it's going to be tumor. Is it based on something, or is it trying to protect ourselves? I don't know. We keep repeating to each other ... "and that's okay. We've done it before."

But we're scared. No doubt about that. There is no accepted protocol for relapsed Wilms'. There's a study all ready, but they don't have enough money. Cure Search has an account set up, but we're not there yet. Still more money that has to be raised. I can't help but think about the old thing about the military needing to have a bake sale ...

Anyway, there's not a standard protocol. So you just try something. What you've done before, if it worked, or what someone else has done, if it hasn't.

Okay ... can't think about that now.

Now ... I need to go lay out my clothes and charge my cell phone and go to bed.


ms. kitty said...

Praying and praying and praying. Know that you are held close in my heart and the hearts of all of us who have come to love you and Little Warrior. May your strength and courage carry you through this time and may Little Warrior's strength and courage be a source of hope to all of you. And us, for we love you.

ogre said...

While not exact... I know the angst, the uncertainty, the fear. I'm holding you all in my thoughts this (for me) morning.

You're preparing yourselves for the worst, recurrence. That's sane. It's self-protective.

uuMomma said...

I'm so glad that you have posted those beautiful photos of LW on your site. Gives me a face to meditate on while I pray. And pray. And pray. (An I'll focus on the imagery of your beautiful hair as I pray for you.)

To you all, love, light, hugs.

James said...

keeping you in my thoughts & prayers and at our Zen group's dedications...

Kaleigh said...

So if you wind up at St. Jude, please get in touch with me. Not only do I work there, but I also live two blocks away. I know we've had good luck with Wilms. And I make a darn good cup of coffee.

My thoughts are with you and LW.