Night before

Thank you, all of you, for your prayers and energy. I will carry them with me. At the end of our church service, we make a circle around the sanctuary and all hold hands. That's what this feels like ... I feel like I have a "circle" of friends around the country, all linked.

For the most part, I'm okay. AdventureGirl is here, my dear sister-in-law. Last Fall, she scaled mountains in Ecuador. This week, she takes care of Team Lizard Children. Which will she decide was more difficult?

I'm up and down. Mostly up, because Little Warrior seems fine. Stinker bell, even. But tonight, when I put her to bed, I cried a few tears. Just because it will be a few nights before I see her sleeping that peacefully again. It will be with an oxygen canula and iv and pain. And I just got so damn mad, you know? That this pink-cheeked ball of fun is going to have to go through that. Again.

The Husband and I both think that it's going to be tumor. Is it based on something, or is it trying to protect ourselves? I don't know. We keep repeating to each other ... "and that's okay. We've done it before."

But we're scared. No doubt about that. There is no accepted protocol for relapsed Wilms'. There's a study all ready, but they don't have enough money. Cure Search has an account set up, but we're not there yet. Still more money that has to be raised. I can't help but think about the old thing about the military needing to have a bake sale ...

Anyway, there's not a standard protocol. So you just try something. What you've done before, if it worked, or what someone else has done, if it hasn't.

Okay ... can't think about that now.

Now ... I need to go lay out my clothes and charge my cell phone and go to bed.