I have an interview Friday, an interview that was set up a month ago. It is to be interviewed by a UU minister, if you are in pursuit of UU ministry. It's the first step of many interviews.
I really thought of keeping it. I'm hungry to get the ball rolling, in terms of UUA paperwork. Get the minister interview done, the district executive one (whoops, gotta cancel that, too), go get my head shrunk at one of those career centers ...
I'm waiting on a call from LW's surgeon to schedule the surgery. Chances are good that it won't be this week. So I'll be available. Physically.
But I have to admit that I don't think it's a good idea. This minister doesn't know me. So here are my choices:
a) Do the interview and not mention that my daughter might have cancer again. Yeah right. I do not have ice water in my veins. Plus, it seems dishonest, for some reason. I mean, I'm not applying for a job. But as much as I might want to pretend that this is no big deal, it is.
b) Do the interview and do mention it ... oh, I don't think that's right, either. For one thing, depending on my mood swing of the moment, I just might start bawling if she showed any sympathy. But also, I think it puts her in a bad place. Any minister would try to give a fair assessment, but who wants to be in the position of slamming a cancer-Mom? And then there's the issue of "is this really 'me'" ... she doesn't know me. So am I acting like this because of the cancer or am I like this normally? Whatever "this" is ...
So I think I'm going to cancel. Besides, I have two classes that I want to complete my work in, a house to clean before a relative comes in to stay, and oh yeah ... time to freak out, every now and then.
I'm in a weird place. Last time, I didn't even have the chance to grab clean clothes ... went to playgroup in the morning and before night, we were in the hospital. Everything screeched to a stop.
This time, it's different. I can pack. I can notify. I can clean house and have fresh food in the refrigerator. I can continue my classwork.
So ... it kind of seems like normal life, for the moment. Except it isn't.
I think it's the right decision.