Tuesday, May 23, 2006

No longer seething ...

... merely annoyed.

And, realizing that my feelings were probably a bit overblown due to other circumstances.

Little Warrior gets her CT scan on Thursday.

It's the first CT she's had since surgery.

Things were so low, low, low, there for a while. I felt helpless and almost hopeless. The pinnacle ... not pinnacle. Opposite of pinnacle, as in "lowest part of the valley." If there's not a word for that, we need one. The opposite-of-pinnacle was when I handed Little Warrior off to the anesthesiologist for her surgery. I was nothing but a giant mound of pain.

And fear. Did I ever know fear before All of This? Did I ever truly know what being scared was?

A few hours after the surgery began, we got some good news. Then, a few hours later, we got more good news.

Since then, it's been good, good, good and great. Little Warrior is crawling, pulling herself up, eating real food, babbling, gaining weight. Acting like a regular baby.

We just sent in our forms to go to a UU family "summer camp." We're making plans for fun.

This CT ... the results of it can change everything.

I don't want to go to that dark place again.

I don't want to have to treasure every single moment, for God's sake. I want to take some things for granted. I want to let her fuss a little when I'm trying to do something and I want to get irritated at her when she's being a pill.

I don't want to be scared.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think the word you're looking for is nadir

Philocrites said...

You and your family remain in my prayers.