Sunday, May 27, 2007

How to Kill a Church in Eight Easy Steps

1. Hate authority. Assume that the minister and anyone who is on the Board is simply power-hungry and they want to strip you of all that you value. And make you clean the latrines with a toothbrush.

2. Give opinions on matters in which you haven't adequately educated yourself. If a new proposed policy is sent out, don't read it. It's too long and boring. Listen to hear others' opinions. Begin saying the same things. When someone asks, "but did you read it?", explain that you didn't have time to.

3. Decide that a church should never ask for money. Greedy louts.

4. Believe that a church should never ask people to do things. The church is there to feed and entertain you, period.

5. When you decide that you do want to do something, throw a fit if you aren't immediately allowed to chair whatever it is you're interested in.

6. Do not read books about your denomination. Do not go to denominational meetings. Your church is the only UU church in the world. Nothing anyone else does could have any bearing on what you do.

7. Assume that you were born with more knowledge than anyone else could ever accumulate.

8. If there are any movements toward the church becoming larger, or being run in a more professional way, begin bitterly telling everyone that there's too much red tape, too much policy, and that we don't need this, we're all one big happy family.


Ms. Theologian said...

That sounds right to me.

revsean said...

Bingo! This is awesome. You're right on.

Elizabeth said...

As usual, I found this to be interesting as well as amusing :)

PeaceBang said...

oooh, OUCH. Girl, girl, tongue of fire! Tongue of fire! Just in time for Pentecost!

Lori said...

Truth spoken...make sure it doesn't make you bitter:)
From one who's been there.