Saturday, June 17, 2006

Believe

On the Thursday morning post, in detailing what happens at a chemo appointment, I wrote:

Hold breath and say prayers that there is blood return after sticking the needle in her.

Well, here's what happens if there isn't any:

Move Little Warrior in all different positions trying to get blood to come back. Hold her down. Hold her up. Forward. Back. Arm up. Arm down. (All the while, LW is screaming her head off -- who wouldn't be?)

Pull out needle. Restick it in. Repeat the above. No??? Still???

Consult with nurses. Go to see doctor. Wait for doctor. Talk to doctor. Doctor says you have to reschedule and come back tomorrow for an alteplase treatment (Drano for your veins).

Come back the next day. Wait two hours. Get alteplase treatment and wait the necessary two hours. Repeat paragraph beginning "Move Little Warrior ..." STILL???

Consult with nurses who say Little Warrior will have to get her chemo via IV (bad). Wait. Nurse comes back and says, "We're going to try it one more time." Puts in more alteplase. Waits one hour. Nurse tries again, repeating over and over, "This will work, thankyouJesus. This will work, thankyouJesus."

Jesus responds and pink comes back through the tube. Then blood.

You love the sight of blood now. ThankyouJesus.

Get chemo. Drive home.

In the rush hour traffic, you flash back to that day in January, when you also sat in rush hour traffic. With Little Warrior in her seat. As you tried to get to the Children's Hospital because there was something showing up on an xray and holy shit they're saying it might be cancer. They're Saying It Might Be Cancer. If you repeat it enough times, maybe it will start to make sense. Maybe you'll be able to believe it. You couldn't stop crying.

You're not crying now. Little Warrior just finished what is hopefully-knock-wood-thankyouJesus her last chemo treatment.

They say the cancer is gone.

They say the cancer is gone.

They say the cancer is gone.

Maybe, if you repeat it enough times, it will start to make sense.

Maybe you'll even be able to believe it.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank goodness and thank God and that is so wonderful. I hope you can all relax and enjoy the summer and celebrate that it is now over (at least the sticking and screaming part).

Anne said...

Oh LE..how scary. Im repeating it in my head too. I really really hope that it is.

kitsunekaze said...

The Cancer is gone
The Cancer is gone
The Cancer is gone

Just keep repeatnig it, and eventually (in a couple years) you might even believe it. If you're like me.

I'm pulling for LW. so is my Babyguy.
It's great to have that LAST chemo thought in your head though, isn't it?

And yeah, it really really bites when the vein won't give. At our clinic, when they can't get a draw right away, Babyguy gets to pick out a toy from the toybin. So when they got a draw right away last time, he was dissapointed. go figure.

Kit.
(the Cancer is gone, the Cancer is gone, the Cancer is gone, the Cancer is gone..)

PeaceBang said...

This made me cry. I love that nurse.

The cancer is gone.
The cancer is gone.
The cancer is gone.