I'm a little scared about going to the hospital tomorrow. The last time I was there was in November, when she had the surgery to remove her portacath. Will this trigger cancer-parent PTSD? If I see a bald child, will I yell, "Fire in the hole!" and tackle Little Warrior?
There are flags up, up and down my street, in honor of President's Day. Driving home from my school tonight, I saw them and thought of Memorial Day. What will life be like then?
And then I laughed, a little angrily, because the truth is, I don't know what life will be like by this Friday.
Scans tomorrow. Follow up appointment Thursday, but we're hoping to hear news before then.
As I briefly mentioned, I went to a really super party yesterday, the 75th birthday party for the woman I love so much, I invited her to be in the delivery room when LW was born. She threw it for herself, picked out all the details, and showed up in purple and red. I LOVE that woman and the room was filled with lots of other people who love her, too.
One teensy moment out of all the frivolity ... I am blessed to have a husband who, when I say, "Wanna dance?" always responds in the affirmative. So we were hopping up to hit the dance floor when I heard what song it was.
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
Eyes filled with tears. Controlled it, barely. "Not ready for that song," I whispered to The Husband. He understood.
Maybe next week.
5 comments:
It's just after midnight my time, Tuesday. From just one of your blog readers, I'm thinking of you and Little Warrior today.
Keeping my fingers and toes crossed and my heart open for you and your darlings.
Holding my breath just a little for you - you will be ok and so will LW.
thoughts. prayers. hugs.
Thinking of you, holding you and LW in the light...
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