Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Scans and Two For the Road

She got her CT scan and the MRI. No results, of course, yet. But The Husband called the onc's office to say, look, I already have to miss work twice this week, can you let me know whether I need to come to the appointment on Thursday? In other words, will the appointment just be to say, "everything's great" or ...

Or.

Have you seen Two for the Road? Really, you must, MUST see it. Albert Finney and Audrey Hepburn, following their marriage, but in a non-linear fashion. One of the best things in the movie, is that you see them pass (on the road, in cities) their younger selves who also were at that place, at an earlier time.

Haven't you ever felt like that? Gone to the old cafe where you used to hang out in college, and expect to see your younger self over in the corner? Thought of the things you'd go tell her/him?

Just me?

Anyway, I had a Two for the Road moment today. We got to the hospital at 5:30 am, and they don't open up the offices til 6. So, The Husband, Little Warrior and I went to the little hospital chapel. No one was there, so we let LW romp around it.

I sat in the same place that I sat on March 31. I had just handed LW over to the anesthesiologist for her surgery on both kidneys. We didn't know what would happen. Went to the chapel and sobbed and sobbed. Dropped to my knees, begged silently, sobbed more.

I saw her today, my younger and heartbroken self. I tapped her on the shoulder and pointed to LW who was, at that moment, happily climbing into a little chair, just her size. Rosy-cheeked, hair growing in. I pointed her out to my earlier self and said, Look.

I like to think that I felt my future self put an arm around my shoulders but I couldn't, alas, hear what she had to say.

1 comment:

The Real Kidd said...

I love the way you write. I'm crying right now. Just thought you should know.