Sunday, February 19, 2006

I am Mr. Toad

I am, a bit. Mr. Toad. I admit it.

You remember Mr. Toad, from Wind in the Willows. He'd get into a new craze -- for instance, when he got a motorcar -- and he had to get the outfit to match. Goggles, car suit, etc.

I've done that. When I was on the fencing team, I was so thrilled the Christmas my parents bought me my own jacket. Pregnant, I couldn't WAIT to get in maternity clothes. After the baby was born, there I was in my nursing tops. I'm a Unitarian Universalist and not only do I wear UU t-shirts and jewelry, I even designed a shirt. And when U.T. were the champions this year, you know I was wearing my burnt orange the next day.

But now ... there's just no uniform, no costume, no t-shirt that goes with this.

I feel like there is. I managed to leave everyone today and go to Target all by myself. I felt like I was wearing a big, heavy sandwich board: "Mother of a Baby with Cancer." No one else could see the board, of course.

But it weighed me down.


Sam said...

What about the @#$% cancer Tshirts?

Lizzi Burgess said...

I have worn that board before.

The first time I wore it, I was away from home, staying in another city, while my aunt had terminal cancer and it felt like people knew.

The most recent time, I had just been to the hospital to get my pathology results from my appendix and had been told they had found a Neuroendocrine Tumour. I honestly felt like people could tell that I was now a Teen with a Tumour.

Of course they didn't. But it felt like it.