Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Back in the saddle ... er, hospital ... again

Well, after 5 glorious days of being at home -- I didn't know they were glorious at the time, but now I know to cherish every single day home -- we had to come back to the hospital as Little Warrior got an infection. Because the chemo kills good white blood cells, as well as the bad cancer cells, if you get an infection, you're in the hospital for iv antibiotics and "keeping an eye on."

It's not too bad. She's on the iv, but no monitors, other than the normal every 4 hours vital check. A coupla times a day, I pop her in the sling, we unplug the iv pole and take it for a walk around the pediatric oncology floor. And around. And around. And around.

So, I guess this isn't going to be a cake walk. I guess cancer rarely is.

A couple of people have told me things like, "well, when this is all over, it will help you, when you become a minister." (This has always been said in a sensitive way, after profuse preambles of "you'd never want this ...")

I guess that could be true. I don't know. It seems miles and miles, years and years away. I'm just focused on the task at hand. And I'm not entirely sure that this will better me in any way. It quite possibly will make me bitter, not better.

And it all seems weird, anyway, the idea that this torture being done to my daughter would enhance me in any aspect. I mean, how self-serving is that?

Got a reminder, in the midst of all this, of how lucky we are. REALLY lucky, not "lucky to get one kind of cancer over another." We went to the ER Sunday night. They let us go home, about 2 in the morning. We were blocked when we came upon a huge car wreck on the freeway.

Just read the newspaper. Head-on collision, someone going the wrong direction. 3 fatalities. 15 minutes earlier, and chemo might have been moot. For all three of us.

Dayum lucky.


Anonymous said...

God bless you. My heart aches for you. In a word, it "sucks" what you and your baby are going thru. I will pray for you both

Lizard Eater said...

Thank you! Your words are simple and blunt -- which is refreshing. Yup, it sucks. Thanks for the prayers.