Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Holding some back

"Be a cool, dignified mystery." I just wrote that in comments to Moxie Life's post about mean girls growing up to be woman haters.

And I go back to my post yesterday about purchasing "The Rules." So, why do I like the book?

At its heart, I don't think The Rules is about "games." Instead, it answers the all-too-painful situation so many of us have seen time and again.

(The following is based on vast generalizations. Of course you know people who don't fit this. But I bet you know some who do.)

Boy falls in love with independent girl. Girl falls in love with him. She then makes him the center of her life, brings him brownies, picks up his dry-cleaning, hangs out with his friends, and tries to provide anything he wants/needs.

Boy says, "What happened to the independent girl I thought you were?"

The Rules is about trying to break females of this "over-nurturing" drive. Have your own friends! Only accept being treated like the unique jewel you are! And for God's sake, hold back a little of yourself!

The latter is good advice for anyone, in any situation. Okay, maybe not therapy. But that's the point ... regular life is not a therapy session for you to dump everything.

As my Southern Belle mama would say, "Keep a little mystery!" I can think of many times in my life I should have followed that advice, whether it was being a little too trusting of an office co-worker, or sharing my insecurities with someone on the second date.

My natural persona is (like you haven't noticed), extremely open, extremely honest. As I have gotten older, I have realized that this has not always served me well. The women whom I admire are those who carry themselves with quiet confidence, quiet dignity. The ones whom, after much time has passed, you learn something about and say, "Wow! She was a race-car driver?" It's not all on display.

It's okay to hold a little sumpin' back.


Stephanie said...

As you describe I've also probably been a bit too honest and have found that not sharing is totally fine. In many ways, it's self-protective.

I have an anecdote about this I'm hoping to post on my blog soon.

Anonymous said...

You are so right, but it is much easier said or read then done!