Speaking of gender expectations ...
Today at church, one of the teens was in a room with a bunch of younger children, dropping F and S bombs left and right. The Boy came and alerted me when the teen told my eldest girl (9 years old), upon seeing her drop a toy, "Pick it up, bitch!" In a joking tone.
Oh no you don't. Not my child and certainly not in my church.
The Husband went and found the teen's father and alerted him to what happened. The teen's father was visibly appalled and went off to handle it. (The Husband would have addressed the teen directly, with his father present, but couldn't find him.)
At home, we let The Boy know that at church, it is fine if he wants to speak up himself, and tell the other person, "Do not talk like that around the younger children," or more personally, "Do not call my sister that." And we went on with our day.
Um ... duh? I'm empowering my son to defend his sister's honor?
Went upstairs to where all the kids were, with The Husband. Explained to The Princess that at church, she should feel comfortable standing up for herself. We did some role-playing. We talked about the fact that no one has the right to call her names or speak to her with disrespect. We talked about whether she has ever heard her mother or father talk to each other like that, even when we disagree.
I don't condemn the teen ... okay, not too much. He's just trying out new behavior, experimenting with his "dark" side. Trying it out in front of younger children is pretty turkey-ish, but hopefully it will lead to a long conversation with his parents.
Still, I think that if The Princess had narrowed her eyes, put her hands on her hips and said, "Don't call me bitch, BOY!" it might have had a more lasting effect the next time he thought of talking to a girl with disrespect.
As for me, I feel a bit turkey-ish that my first thought was about empowering her brother, not her. It is startling to find yourself unthinkingly falling into attitudes you didn't know were lurking inside.