Thursday, July 13, 2006

Back to Normal/Anxiety

On one hand, this has been a great week for "back to normal." Went to playgroup, saw all our old (grownup and kid) friends, did a mondo 4 family shopping trip at Costco (we're all going on vacation together) ... it was very Big Love. But without the french braids or prairie skirts. Or sharing husbands.

But tonight ... well, tomorrow are the scans. She'll be sedated then get the CT and MRI.

Was sitting on the couch, not thinking about it, but just feeling turribly turribly anxious. You know how you feel anxious, then you peruse your life to say, "Why am I feeling this way?" Hmm, did I say something stupid today? No. Do I have a job I need to do? No.

Oh. Yeah.

It's been a month since I've been down to the medical center, since we were able to get blood counts at the local pedi office. I got real used to normal.

It's not abnormal. It's the "New Normal." Green is the new pink. Down is the new up. Chocolate is the new vanilla.

sigh.

3 comments:

Anne said...

I hate that feeling..

Im hoping that the new normal catches on real soon..

Karen said...

Yep, I know that feeling, too. "Why am I so nervous? Oh, yeah, the whole incurable cancer thing."

Being Made said...

I found your blog a few weeks ago and have been reading the archives... Know that though I'm a newbie, I'm praying for your Little Warrior and your family.

I wish new normals could feel as safe as old normals.