Thursday, December 31, 2009

Goodbye 2009 and Thanks for All the Gifts!

For many, 2009 has been a rough year. Goodbye and Good Riddance, they say. I've had those years myself.

For us, 2009 has been great. Fabulous. Superlative.

Good stuff out the yin-yang. Wish trip to Disney. I got to meet my "twin." Trip with my family to New Mexico. Amped up my schooling. I said "Yes" to a lot. Wonderful things happened. Trip to New Orleans. Front row seats at the Nutcracker. Clear scans. Clear scans. Clear scans. And a need for glasses.

Of course, there were bad things, too. My mom had a heart attack, but she's fine now. I lost my godfather. Joy and woe are woven together fine.

As much as don't want cancer to define Little Warrior, or us, or our lives ... it has succeeded in defining the years since it appeared at our house.

2005: LW born. Great year.
2006: First diagnosis. Bad year.
2007: Clear scans. Back to school. Good year.
2008: Recurrence. Bad year.
2009: Clear Scans. Good stuff. Great year.

Little Warrior goes to play school two days a week. There, she's mastered patterns. Red tile, blue tile, red tile, blue tile. What comes next? we ask. "Red tile," she says.

It is difficult not to see a pattern in these years, difficult not to ask, "What comes next?"

Silly, of course. Nonsensical. Life is not that even, not that balanced. And there was good stuff in the bad years, too.

Yet part of me wants to hold on, kicking and screaming, like a 3 year old to his mommy's leg, to 2009. "Don't go! Don't go!"

And to 2010, the interloper, I look at it, wary. "I don't want to change things, I just want to be your friend," it says. "Yeah, prove it," I think inside.

Instead, I take a deep breath and say, "Goodbye 2009. You were wonderful and it's hard to see you go."

I take a deep breath and with what I hope is a warm smile, I turn to the new guest. "Hello 2010 and welcome ... looking forward to all the wonderful things you'll bring!"

3 comments:

Mary-Elizabeth Sierra Lanham's Mom said...

You know, I am beginning to believe that we never leave cancer world. We always have a place at that table. We go out to dinner, we go on trips, we visit family, we fight, we play, we heal, but we take the lessons learned there and work it into our life. It does not define us, only makes everyone affected very very aware of the good things we do have.

I check on you, and love reading how life is going for you. I love our happy endings.

Mary-Elizabeth Sierra Lanham's Mom said...

You know, I am beginning to believe that we never leave cancer world. We always have a place at that table. We go out to dinner, we go on trips, we visit family, we fight, we play, we heal, but we take the lessons learned there and work it into our life. It does not define us, only makes everyone affected very very aware of the good things we do have.

I check on you, and love reading how life is going for you. I love our happy endings.

elz said...

yes, there is an ominous possible pattern. but sacred interruptions intervene, for good or ill. may yours and lw's be good this dawning year.