Thursday, April 02, 2009

Goodbye, Old Friend

There is a beatification that happens with cancer parents. We are often thought to be sanctified, to be made holy, by our trip through what is for so many, their worst nightmare.

I think I've probably made it clear through this blog that though I've gained lessons, I still remain irreverent, petty, and frequently shallow.

"No, no, that wasn't a question." -- Miranda Priestly, The Devil Wears Prada

If you know anyone traveling through CancerLand, who is irreverent, be sure and send them a copy of Cancer Made Me a Shallower Person. Heeelarious.

Anyway, just because I've taken two no-expense-paid trips through CancerLand with LW, doesn't mean that the little things don't bring me down.

I am in mourning.

I am in mourning for my MacBook.

And despite learning, in a dramatic way, that things happen for no reason, I've still been going through all the stages of grief.

On Tuesday ... exactly one week after I wrote Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to turn off the computer, turn off the tv ... partially because I know I need it, and partially because I'm afraid the universe is going to strike both with lightning if I don't take the hint ... my laptop was hit by lightning. Okay, not literal lightning. I was ... love the irony! ... going through and backing up my computer, which I have to admit, I never do, because other than the one time when my computer was actually stolen, I've never lost info on a Mac.

Til now. As I was copying video files (WHYYYYYY didn't I start with my document files?) onto an external firewire hard drive ... everything froze. And done stayed froze. So I finally pressed the off button.

"Goodbye, Cruel World!" called my hard drive.


Denial. Those of you who have had a non-backed-up computer know ALL about that stage. Blaming myself. If I hadn't tried to close an open program while I was copying files ... If I had everything backed up ... If I had cleaned my house and done my laundry and begun a displine of spending an hour in meditation every morning ...

I've grieved. Been in a bad mood. Over a computer!

No, traveling through the Valley of the Shadow of Death does not necessarily turn one into a wise soul, who shrugs and says, "It's only a computer."

Though I might have come closer to that, had I done regular backups. Thank God-of-Computers my midterm was the night before!

So ... for me ... right now ... go back up your computer, willya?


ms. kitty said...

Are you sure it's really dead? I have had that happen to my MacBook twice and sometimes it's not really all gone and one of their Genius bar people can resurrect it. If not, oh well, it's actually rather freeing! Except for all those assignments that were cuddled down in the depths of your hard drive which is now blotto. Sorry.

ms. kitty said...

Of course, you won't get this comment to moderate until you go to the Apple Store or the library to get your email, out of desperation! What will you do without Facebook, in the meantime? Arrrrgggggh! (Good grief, I think my verification word is "vomit". No, it's "vorit". Whew.)

Anonymous said...

What is the diagnosis?

Lizard Eater said...

We have a "dinosaur" computer at home, that I'm on right now. My MacBook is in the shop and I am awaiting a phone call from them. I'm not very hopeful, as we hooked my laptop up to the dinosaur with a firewire cable, which enables you to look at the hard drive of your laptop. No hard drive appeared.

But, you know ... light a candle. :)

Christine Robinson said...

I'll light a candle that you get your data out of it, at least.

At least this wonderful blog/journey through cancerland with LW, which I pray she will read with amazement some day, is safe with Google!

I'm addicted to my computer. There is no getting around it. 12 step program starts...well, maybe tomorrow.


Kari said...

Isn't it funny how attached we get to our computers? It's a personal item that has real significance. Yesterday we needed 5 computers and only have four in the house (ONLY!) and as things shook out the "new" family lap top (totally taken over by the 17-year-old) came open for me to use. I whined until the "old" family laptop (read--MINE) was swapped out. I wanted the keyboard I knew, the screen with my thai sauce splash on it. The one that's my friend. Geez!

I totally understand your empty feeling. And I'm lighting a candle that the Apple folks can work some magic. :-)

Lizard Eater said... taps. Hard drive is completely unreadable.

I have all the raw video that I took during LW's treatment. But practically all the photos taken during that time are toast. Hmm. That might be a good thing.

The hard part will be the documents that I'm not even remembering right now.

Another good thing -- any sermons that I wrote on there, I would email to myself so that I could print them off of a different computer. So those should all be in my email.

Still feel a little heartsick.

Earthbound Spirit said...

I'll light a silent candle on Sunday... Thanks for the reminder, though. I've been backing up files regularly since my trusty Toshiba started making grinding noises every time I booted her up. And I've done a lot of writing today.

[Yes, she's a girl. An old girl... (EBS goes off to rummage in pack for flash drive...)]

UU Soul said...

Oh no! I went through that about a year and a half ago. I had a pretty new computer and for the first time in my life had not been backing anything up. I couldn't make up my mind which hard drive to buy. It must have been electrical for me because my old desktop that would have provided some backup died simultaneously.

I felt totally at sea and was mourning what I had lost, including financial records and special photos of someone who had passed away. Sigh. I decided to use it as a lesson about attachments, but I spent a lot of time mad at myself. And now I'm a paranoid multi-back-up person. Not sure what that says about me and attachments :)

jbgrinch said...

There are services that will take dead hard drives appart and recover data. it is not cheep but if the info is very dear it may be worth the effort. If you want to know who I have used you can e-mail me. I just lost my lap top on tuesday but thank goodness it was a motherboard problem and not the drive so my new lenovo is now full of the old dell data. I however did just get a 500gig drive for backup so I wont freak out again.