There is a beatification that happens with cancer parents. We are often thought to be sanctified, to be made holy, by our trip through what is for so many, their worst nightmare.
I think I've probably made it clear through this blog that though I've gained lessons, I still remain irreverent, petty, and frequently shallow.
"No, no, that wasn't a question." -- Miranda Priestly, The Devil Wears Prada
If you know anyone traveling through CancerLand, who is irreverent, be sure and send them a copy of Cancer Made Me a Shallower Person. Heeelarious.
Anyway, just because I've taken two no-expense-paid trips through CancerLand with LW, doesn't mean that the little things don't bring me down.
I am in mourning.
I am in mourning for my MacBook.
And despite learning, in a dramatic way, that things happen for no reason, I've still been going through all the stages of grief.
On Tuesday ... exactly one week after I wrote Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to turn off the computer, turn off the tv ... partially because I know I need it, and partially because I'm afraid the universe is going to strike both with lightning if I don't take the hint ... my laptop was hit by lightning. Okay, not literal lightning. I was ... love the irony! ... going through and backing up my computer, which I have to admit, I never do, because other than the one time when my computer was actually stolen, I've never lost info on a Mac.
Til now. As I was copying video files (WHYYYYYY didn't I start with my document files?) onto an external firewire hard drive ... everything froze. And done stayed froze. So I finally pressed the off button.
"Goodbye, Cruel World!" called my hard drive.
Denial. Those of you who have had a non-backed-up computer know ALL about that stage. Blaming myself. If I hadn't tried to close an open program while I was copying files ... If I had everything backed up ... If I had cleaned my house and done my laundry and begun a displine of spending an hour in meditation every morning ...
I've grieved. Been in a bad mood. Over a computer!
No, traveling through the Valley of the Shadow of Death does not necessarily turn one into a wise soul, who shrugs and says, "It's only a computer."
Though I might have come closer to that, had I done regular backups. Thank God-of-Computers my midterm was the night before!
So ... for me ... right now ... go back up your computer, willya?