I love both songs -- Holy Now and God is a River. But my favorite is so personal, I can't hear it without tearing up. Had I heard him sing it with no warning, he would have been killing me softly with his song, telling my whole life with his words.
Of course, remembering how I first heard of it also makes my eyes wet.
The BFF-DRE was at a Peter Mayer concert. She called me, weeping.
The BFF-DRE doesn't weep. Oh, privately, sure. But she's made of sterner stuff, good midwest steel stock.
"He's singing your song," she sniffled. And then something about Japanese bowls and scars.
The song hadn't been released yet, but he was playing it, and explaining it, at this concert.
When his last album came out, I could hear it. And I weeped. For me, for everyone, because we all have our scars. We worry that these scars make us "less than." Not whole. Broken.
Readers of this blog know I have wrestled with how open I could be, in my non-blog life, about our time in cancer land. This song helped ease that struggle. I do not want my identity to be "cancer mom," but neither do I have to deny or whitewash the experience.
So now every old scar shows
From every time I broke
And anyone’s eyes can see
I’m not what I used to be
But in a collector’s mind
All of these jagged lines
Make me more beautiful
And worth a much higher price
I’m like one of those Japanese bowls
I was made long ago
I have some cracks you can see
See how they shine ... of gold.
I'd have trouble picking a favorite Peter Mayer song. I've taken to the Japanese Bowl myself (Heaven Below is a terrific album, but I have yet to find a Peter Mayer album I don't like). The cracks are part of who we are, our patina, if you will. Accepting as such makes the difference in one's comfort with the hand one has been dealt.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your journey and your patina.