Right now, I am still insulated by ignorance. In the next few days, I will have either the greatest joy, or some of the lowest despair. Or, if the nodule is malignant, the "blister" is not, but the nodule is Wilms' tumor with favorable histology, a blend of the two.
I never say that "everything happens for a reason" anymore, and cannot conceive that I ever will again. But neither can I flat out say that coincidences are just coincidences, totally random.
The night before LW's scans ... when I had no suspicion of what we might be thrust into again -- I happened upon Rev. Marlin Lavanhar's sermon, Finding Our Song. Jess had put it up about a year ago on her fabulous Best of UU site.
His words have continued to echo in my head, as he spoke of the dichotomy of being utterly decimated by the grief, but being put in the "center of the village" so that others could help them.
Thank you for putting us in the center of the village. Your prayers, your notes, your love, to someone whom most of you have never even met, have meant so much.
I've written before about my realization about God ... let me hasten to add, this is just my realization, I do not hold it to be truth for anyone besides myself ... in my realization, I understood that God did not cause or control LW's cancer. "But when you grieved, I grieved," said The Universe.
And you are proof of that, for me.
"Here when you need us...."
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about you.
ReplyDeleteCC
thoughts and prayers are heading your way; hope it is good news when it comes.
ReplyDeleteSweetie, I'm so glad you found that sermon. That right there is why I do Best of UU. :-)
ReplyDeleteI continue to pray for you and yours. *hugs*
A friend, a member of our congregation (who has honored me by agreeing to erve on my 'transition committee'--but I digress...), is a 3rd gen UU. He's an Atheist and a philosopher (degree, and practice...). He and his wife lost their second son to a recurrence of childhood leukemia.
ReplyDeleteHaving listened to him speak about why he's a UU, why he needs for there to be a UU church, I cannot but be "there" for you.
That we've never met (I think) doesn't matter. We need each other--particularly when we are 'in need'--and the only way to be there then is to be there all the time.
May it be in joy, not in sorrow.