No One Should Celebrate Any Holidays

(In honor of MakingChutney's Week O' Snark.)

No One Should Celebrate Any Holidays

You shouldn't celebrate Valentines Day because
How can you enforce that this day, unlike the others
Is more special, that you should show someone
More love on this day, but not tomorrow

You shouldn't celebrate Easter
Because bunnies and candy and
Hard Boiled Eggs
Mock the Christians.
They aren't about Jesus dying for YOUR sins

You shouldn't celebrate Mothers' Day
Because it makes some people sad
People who didn't have good mothers
Or whose mothers died
Or who never could have kids
Or didn't want to
Or they had a child
And it died
Or turned into a teenager

You shouldn't celebrate Fathers' Day
Because some dads can't see their kids
Or are deadbeat
And besides
It's all about the barbeque anyway

No Fourth of July, that glorifies war
No Memorial Day; instead just grieve
Labor Day, it's all about unions

Thanksgiving is about stealing land from the natives
Christmas is just avarice and greed
Hanukkah and Kwanzaa are just misappropriation
New Years is a false calendrical happening
If you're going to change ... do it in May

Holidays aren't really holy
You shouldn't celebrate them at all
They exist only for marketers and cardwriters
And those idiots who forward sappy emails.

We are so much smarter
WE know bliss is ignorance
If you celebrate your life, you are thumbing your nose
At those of us who know real pain.