On being subservient

Funny how something casual can stop you cold. I was reading one of my favorite blogs and the writer casually referred to being a homemaker as being in a subservient role.

Huh.

The American Heritage Dic defines subservient as:

1. Subordinate in capacity or function.
2. Obsequious; servile.
3. Useful as a means or an instrument; serving to promote an end.

Of course, those meanings don't really encompass the negative associations we have with the word subservient, which to my mind at least, brings up a lot of bowing and scraping. Ahh, Princeton University's Word Net:

adj 1: compliant and obedient to authority; "editors and journalists who express opinions in print that are opposed to the interests of the rich are dismissed and replaced by subservient ones"-G. B. Shaw 2: abjectly submissive; characteristic of a slave or servant; "slavish devotion to her job ruled her life"; "a slavish yes-man to the party bosses"- S.H.Adams; "she has become submissive and subservient"

I do not bring money -- well, significant money, anyway -- into our family unit. That is true. However, I am the person who pays all the bills. The Husband has no idea where all the money goes; for all he knows, I'm stashing it away in a Swiss bank account. Except that our electricity stays on, and our house hasn't been repossessed, so he figures I'm taking care of it.

To be subordinate would, I assume, mean that someone tells me what to do. Well, The Husband does occasionally tell me that I need to take some time for myself, but other than that, he provides no direction. I sometimes wish he would, as it sounds kind of nice ... no prioritizing, just do as I'm told. Of course, the thought of me taking orders from a spouse is equally hilarious as the idea of him giving me orders.

Don't misunderstand. This isn't some sort of foaming-at-the-mouth, "I love my job as CEO of the home!" I think 90% of the "mommy wars" are boring, same-old, same-old of people trying to justify their lives by putting down others. I call working moms "working moms." I don't think it implies I don't work. I call myself and others of my ilk "full-time moms." It doesn't mean working moms aren't always mothers.

I was just genuinely caught short with the assumption that a homemaker is subservient. The fact that it is an assumption made me want to explore the idea.

Having given it an initial perusal, I can now discard the idea. I am an educated woman who made a choice to retire from the professional world to devote my energies (for this period of my life anyway) to my children, husband and home.

Back to that third meaning: "Useful as a means or an instrument; serving to promote an end."

Well, isn't that all of us?