Whine and Redemption

"A range of acting-out behavior such as tantrums, or acting-in behavior, like depression, should be expected from an ill child. Help them to develop ways to cope and express their feelings." (from a helpful website)

Guess what. That applies to the parents, too.

First ... allow me to simultaneously act out and express my feelings.

Waaaah, waaaah, waaaaah! she whines.

So, in addition to taking care of a baby with cancer, a baby who can't tell me what hurts, so I have to try and deduce it by reading about older children and their complaints when on this protocol, I have to also make sure that my three older children are all having their needs met, both physical, emotional and mental, making sure that each of them feels special and valued and heard, AND I need to make sure to encourage my partner to express his feelings, no mean feat, since he is the quiet type, AND I need to be sure and eat healthfully because I must keep myself healthy, AND since I'm breastfeeding and alcohol can interfere with chemo I can't even have a glass of wine in the evening AND I need to comfort others -- friends, relatives and acquaintances -- who are affected by this, AND I need to read up on all the recent research to make sure our protocol is the best, AND OH YEAH, I need to sterilize all the babies toys and run interference between her and her siblings who really want to touch her, hold her, let her put her fingers in their mouths AND I need to make the house a sterile clean environment for the patient AND don't forget, "try to keep life as normal as possible to limit the disruption this will cause to your family."

/Rant

Okay. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Think of the blessings ...

...Of which there are many. I am so incredibly blessed in all of this in so many ways.

My parents, septagenarians both, closed up their house two states away, dragged their RV down here and there they are, my beck-and-call-parents, ready to drop everything and come over for appointments, entry into the hospital, even to pick up groceries.

Our wonderful siblings, the aunts and uncle to Little Warrior, who call, come down, make flyers, and play with their nephew and nieces.

An incredible little church and our covenant groups, who have made sure we never feel alone. Trips to the hospital, casseroles out the yin-yang, running a blood drive, prayers and hope.

We are blessed. We are blessed. We are blessed.