Thursday, January 05, 2012

I do not do enough. I do not give enough.

But I want to.

This is not false humility, it is truth.  I am not yet the person I want to be. But I feel that I can be.

Jesus, John Lennon, and probably your mama have all talked about my problem. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak. Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I have good intentions, and soon as I have more time, more money, I'll do something with them.

I waste. I waste time, I waste money.

Time that could be spent making a real difference in the world is frittered away. I never have time to be bored. From the moment I wake til I fall asleep, there is a steady stream of information available to me. Computer, television, email, books. Boredom spurs creativity, for good or for bad. Grownups often go to great lengths to "keep kids busy" because they know that boredom can lead to mischief. Ya gotta keep kids out of trouble.

We are being constantly entertained, too. And we are kept out of trouble. And we are kept out of good.

I waste money. Another book here, another coffee there. Click, swipe, it is mine, to be abandoned on a shelf, or quickly consumed. Both, 24 hours later, wholly forgotten. Waste.

I know that who I am is not what I do, but I also know that what I do shapes and creates who I am.

I want to be better than this.

I want to be around people who encourage me to do so. Who teach me how to. Who motivate me to set aside my smartphone and join them in transforming our little corner of the world into a better place. Which will help transform me into a better person. I want to change my life in a big way, I want to give myself to something big. But I need help. I need tools so that I can manage my money, my time, my ideas.  I need to feel I'm not doing it alone, that I'm a part of something important.

Sunday, I will walk in the doors of your church.

What will you have for me?


xtreme said...

I always seem to come by your blog right when what I need to hear is posted there. Oh my, yes and yes. I feel the same. As I was sitting here with my eyes dry from being glued to the computer screen, my soul was crying. And here is my challenge; my answer. Set aside that which weighs down and pick up the load that is light, simple, yet profound. Thank you.

kinsi said...

I don't think I have enough words to describe how much I love this post.

Derrick Mustelier said...

This is absolutely beautiful. I almost feel bad asking this but would you mind terribly if I used this blog post in a service I'm planning for the day of my congregation's Opportunity Fair on 1/22/12? Obviously I'd gladly give you full credit and promote your blog and all that good stuff. Let me know! Thank you again for writing this. So very inspiring!

Lizard Eater said...

@Derrick -- Please, use it however you see fit. I hope it helps!