Catch Up Time

Time to ketchup.

Okay, so first of all, I got an A in my Systematic Theology class. Of course, as I explained to a friend, I had to sell my soul to Jesus to do so. Ha. AND my professor requested a copy of my midterm to share with another student as an example of full complete answers.

This, perhaps, sounds like bragging. The truth of the matter is that the A, while it does show a willingness to work hard, mostly shows an ability to take really good notes and repeat them back to the professor. Which is, I guess, okay. This was a class for me to learn, not think. I would also add, to learn, not to accept.

Baby news: Baby does NOT have down's syndrome, nor any other chromosomal abnormalities, nor neural tube defects. And I have become much more sensitive to the fact that you can't just have a slash and burn "it's a fetus, not a baby" attitude. AND, I have become even more appreciative about the choices we still have, hard as they might be to make. The only thing that would have made this more difficult would have been if I were waiting to find out what the rest of my life would be like, as opposed to waiting to see if I had to make a very difficult choice.

Other news is that my due date is still under debate and it's too close to the end of the semester (might be some overlap), so no classes this semester. Was disappointed at first, but now am convinced with the old "everything happens for a reason." I plunged into school without first making a place for it in my life. Now, I have the time to figure out how to do it all ... how to have routines for the family, what I need to cut, etc. One thing we're hoping to cut -- me doing Mom AND Dad work. Husband drives 3 hours a day, which means I do the main parenting M-F. Had a wild idea ... gee, how about if we move closer to Husband's job, so he can be the dad, and I can be the Mom? Wow! Might even make me closer to school. So, we're looking at selling the house we've been in for 7 years and moving this summer. After our newborn comes into the world. Sometime between GA and the summer program. Have I mentioned that we suffer from insanity? Well, pregnant with my 4th, starting theological school, you may have picked up on that.

Cold day today, so we're making tons of chili to freeze. Love our vacuum sealer. These little joys in life.

"Historical" Jesus

Also from last night ...

Other: went off on a vent last night to Husband about the utter lack of logic that some of these students are willing to interject into their theology. I'm not talking Unitarian-type logic. I'm talking within the bounds of the Bible. To whit: I was in a group last night with two guys (incl the one who wanted my notes) and we were to write up our beliefs on the historical Jesus. The characters in this were The Pastor, The Islander (I don't know where he's from) and me, The Heretic.

The Heretic: Okay, so we need to write up our beliefs [I'm playing good Christian girl, of course] about the historical Jesus. Let's start pre-birth.

The Pastor: Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit.

Heretic: Well, this is supposed to be on the *historical* Jesus.

blank look

Heretic: You know, the "historical" Jesus we've been reading about. That which we have some sort of record for.

The Pastor: But we have a record. We have the Bible. That gives us our historical Jesus.

Heretic sighs and moves on: Okay, do we want to put that Mary was a virgin? We read last week that "virgin" was perhaps mistranslated from the original text.

The Pastor: Of course she was a virgin. It's in the Bible.

Heretic again sighs.

The Islander, looking in his bible: And he grew up in Nazareth.

Heretic: Okay, remember that. We're going through chronologically. Anything else before he was born?

The Islander: See, right here, he grew up in Nazareth.

Heretic: Yes, yes, but right now, in our chronology, he isn't born yet. Okay, now his birth. What are we going to say about that?

The Pastor: What it says in the Bible.

Heretic: Yes, but it's only described in Luke and Matthew, and they have contradictions. For instance, in one, there's the shepherds, in the other, there's the wise men. So which are we going to choose?

Islander: Both of them. They happened at different times.

Heretic: Okay, well, where are we going to say he was born? In Nazareth or Bethlehem?

blank look

Heretic: Okay, I'm going to say Bethlehem, even though some historians doubt it, because in order to fulfill the Old Testament prophesy, Christ has to be born in Bethlehem.

Islander: Herod called to kill him.

Heretic: Okay. Now, Herod was only mentioned in one book. Do we choose to include that in our belief?

The Pastor: It's in the Bible.

Heretic: Ohhhhkay. So then where did Christ grow up?

Islander: Nazareth

Heretic: Okay, when did he move to Nazareth?

blank look

Heretic: We've said that we believe in the Herod story. If we accept that, then we have to accept that Jesus and his parents fled to Egypt.

blank look

Ugh.

Jaw dropping

Um, am I a grade prude?

Had two "interesting" things happen tonight at class. First: had a substitute and learned what my theological limits are. Taking notes and parroting back something I don't believe -- sure, for the sake of education, can do. Have a "socratic method" prof (who is fundamentalist Christian) who wants to delve into our personal theologies (and then argue with them)? No. Just ... can't ... do ... it.

Then, after class, we students were chatting about how our regular prof is going to email us the questions for our final (take home) exam. A person in the class who I've fairly well respected, who happens to already be the 50ish pastor of his church, comes up to me with that casual air of "of course you will" expectation and says, "hey, email me your notes."

I'm sure my jaw dropped.

"ALL of MY notes?"

"Yeah, sure."

Note: I do not mind sharing notes with someone who has missed class. In fact, I copied a month's worth of notes for someone who had foot surgery AND her dad died.

But he hadn't missed any classes.

On top of that ... there were two other gentlemen hovering over us, ready to add their names to my little distribution list.

"Uh, no," I laughed it off, like SURELY he couldn't be serious. "If you have any holes in your notes, email me." Went on to say something about how I can't trust that I have my notes accurate, would hate to pass on errors, etc.

"Oh, go on," he says. "You take the best notes in the class."

Did not say what I wanted to which was: "Um, maybe you should rethink copying my notes, since I'm not what you would classify as a 'believer' and am in fact, a heretic and a heathen to boot."

Just busied myself and left.

He's a preacher, I mentioned that already, right?

.4 to .9

I always think of myself as a "glass half full" kind of person, but there are things where I certainly go the other way. To whit: I need to see a perionatalogist. My early blood tests came back showing that this pregnancy has an increased risk of Down's syndrome.

How much? Well, it's still less than 1%. I went from about a .4% chance to a .9% chance. Went from 1/233 to 1/129.

So, next week, I have an appointment; first for a level 2 ultrasound, then a possible amnio ... although, the way I'm feeling now, I want to go ahead and get the amnio. Be done with *that* particular stress for the rest of the pregnancy. Husband has to go with me, in case I get an amnio, since I won't be able to drive after. Not sure why, I guess because there's a risk of leaking from the injection site and pressing the gas pedal would disturb that or something.

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln ...

Cool tshirt

A friend of mine, feeling the same as many of us after the election, created a cool tshirt and some other merchandise:

http://www.cafepress.com/realvalues

Looks like it might be a hot item.

Blah, bleaugh, blues

Okay, so today isn't my best day. It's not a bad day, just a bleaugh day. Literally, as I'm gagging with morning sickness. Not throwing up, just gagging. Ick. No relief in gagging.

And of course, this is the day after the election, and it looks like Bush is going to walk off with the election. AND major Republican control of Congress. What all will be done in the next four years? It scares me, so I tell myself, look, that just means that we'll have a huge backlash in 2008. Hillary for President! But that seems like a long four years. And a four years that we will be paying for, for generations to come.

And this isn't even a partisan fear for me ... it is particular to this administration. They seem to have absolutely no compunction about doing things with or without the support of the smart people within their own party. Last night, they said something about McCain running for president in 2008. Right. You really think the neo-cons and ultra-conservatives will go for that?

I should have known this was going to happen. I have been an observer of Bush's journey from the first governor's race. "Surely, he can't beat Ann Richards."

Ugh. I need to eat something, but can't find anything that appeals. Ready for the first trimester to be over.

Okay, happy things ... had our annual Halloween party this past weekend. Much good food, good friends. Introduced several folks to chocolate cake shots, though I abstained, of course. The Husband made up three pitchers of apple margaritas that all disappeared. Note for future: disposable Solo cups will not hold a cinnamon/sugar rim. We wound up using my non-disposable hard plastic cups from the Girls Parties. Big hit of the party was "Bacon and Beagle Dicks" which I renamed "Heart Attack Bites" as this was an intergenerational party. Wrap little smokies in a bit of bacon, pack into a baking dish, then cover with brown sugar and bake. Egad!

And I went to Rice U last week to use their library for my term paper for Systematic Theology. I am blessed to have the best friends in the world (certified by non-partisan pollsters) and one of them, K, drove me over and dropped me off (parking is a b*), then took my toddler to the zoo while I worked. Then picked me up to go to our favorite grocery/lunch spot. There needs to be a word beyond "mensch."

Term paper is about the intersection of philosophy and theology from an Augustinian perspective. Need to think of some modern day philosophers. Maslow is good, but stuck after that. Oprah? Dr. Phil?

Terrific quote from A. Powell Davies

OMG I love this quotation. I used it this past Sunday as part of a homily during our "Revival"/canvass service.

"Why should any of us be confined within a single area of religious culture? When I read Amos and Jeremiah, I say 'Would to God I were a Jew.' When I read the Parable of the Good Samaritan, I say 'Would I were a Galilean.' When I read the 13th of 1st Corinthians, I wish with all my heart that I might be a Christian after the manner of the Apostle Paul. When I think of Buddha and his Eightfold Path, I say, 'I, too, would be a Buddhist.' And when I remember the trial of Socrates, I say in awe but with exalted spirit, 'Oh that I might be so brave a humanist.' And thus at the end, there is nothing I can say but that, like Emerson and Channing, I want to live with the privilege of the illimitable mind.”
-- A. Powell Davies

I'm memorizing it, I love it so much. Sounds even better being proclaimed from the pulpit. Sounds good said aloud, period. Try it, any reader. Read it out loud and feel the thrill ...

pant, pant, pant ...

Taking a breath between projects. Managed to have the canvass dinner (I'm canvass chair this year, as virtue of being "past-president ex-officio member of the board") the same weekend I needed to be working on my midterm. Ah well. Both are over with now. The canvass dinner, held at our church this year, was apparently a success, with good reports from everywhere. A lot of paddling beneath the surface of the water, as it turned out that the restaurant catering the event could NOT do vegetarian fajitas, let alone vegan sides. So, kept that caterer for the carnivores, found another restaurant that catered to veg-heads. And a third quotient, the bakery who made the tres leches cake. Phew.

As to the midterm, I have no idea if I did well. It seemed all the questions were from the notes, not the book, so I just repeated back everything the professor said. We'll see.

And, oh yes, morning sickness. Well, last time for that. Went to a new doctor and am fairly pleased. She was willing to spend more than 5 minutes with me and discuss my bizarre-rare condition (intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy). But if I could ever find a doctor that didn't make me feel like a hypochondriac for being well-researched into my own health, I'd marry 'em!

Boy, I'm whiny today!

So, projects now are my term paper (how philosophy can help us to understand theology, an Augustinian perspective), a new web design client, and of course, the infamous annual Halloween party. Luckily I have many good friends who are bringing food! Bleaugh ...

On typing and learning

I'm a good typist. The one thing that slows me down from being a great typist is that I was out sick in high school on the days when they learned how to type numbers. I never got the practice for that, so it never became a natural part of my finger-mind connection.

So, 20 years later, I still have to look to make sure I'm typing the correct number.

I wonder how many other things are like that. You miss out on two days of information and it affects you the next 20 years ... or rest of your life.

Granted, if it were that important, I could have taught myself how to type numbers. But at some point I learned to 10-key, and with a computer keyboard, that usually works just fine.

A "work around" -- that's what we call it in the computer world, where rather than fixing something, you simply find a way to work around it; an alternate way to take care of it.

Hmm.

Emotionally hurricaned

This -- going to divinity school -- is much more emotionally charged than I expected. I feel stripped raw, and completely alone, which I am. I know it's for a reason, the being alone. It's following the pattern set by me going to GA completely alone, not even meeting anyone I knew for dinner. I know that it's part of the process, for me to have no one whom I can turn to for guidance ... heck, the fact that we lost our minister the month I started school -- obviously, I need to be completely and utterly alone, with no support, so that I can find what I need within me.

It's damn hard.

Okay, so here's the deal ... imagine that there is this one thing that you feel so strongly, passionately about ... so much so, that you get called to make it your mission in life.

BUT ... in order to make it your mission in life, you have to enter a world where all the inhabitants not only negate this one thing you believe in so strongly, they vilify it. Most of them without even realizing that it is *your* religion. AND, you have to learn to speak as they do, seeing what you believe in so strongly through their eyes, justifying their beliefs.

It's exhausting, draining, all those words.

Oh, and you feel that the leader of this little world is hoping that you will change, turn away from what got you here in the first place. So he drops hints about how what you believe is mortally and morally wrong. All said with compassion, and in a gentle voice. He wants you to be Saved.

I know, I know, I know that this is good for me and part of the plan ... strip away, God. Strip away. Oh, and thanks for my copy of InterConnections arriving today. It was a nice sign to pick that up from the mailbox on my way in the house.

Oh, a bit of levity. As I was driving home, I thought with some exasperation, "Can you believe it? I actually feel physically ill from all this!" Then the rational part of me pointed out that, No, it's morning sickness. You haven't eaten in 5 hours.

Tee-hee.

Fourth and Goal!

Am pregnant with fourth and last.

(B, if you're reading this, I haven't told anyone. Please don't share.)

Even though it was planned for, hoped for, still had an hour or two of shock. Reminded myself that it's all part of the plan, I'm in a marathon, not a sprint ... and it is part of the plan. Figured from the get-go that I'd be graduating in about 6 years, which is when It will begin kindergarten. Not that I'm a control freak or anything.

Have only shared it with The Husband and the adopted grandma. Both happy, of course, although the latter appeared to levitate. So good having nice friends.

Morning sickness has kicked in a bit, but am hoping it won't be too bad. Am telling It that I simply don't have time for such things. Just ordered three bags of preggie pops, which may only be a placebo, but if it works, or convinces me it works, it's all the same.

Am a little concerned that preggo-brain has kicked in so ferociously. Major aphasia. Now what's that word ...

Will probably let the kids know after this weekend. Wanted another weekend at church before announcing, and there's no way they could keep it a secret. How in the world do people keep it secret for three months?

Defending beliefs/being quiet

I was happy to meet the director of my school's library yesterday, who coincidentally showed up at my church as speaker. Turns out, he's a Unitarian Christian.

We had a bit of discussion about the conservativeness of The School. He encouraged me to ask my professor if I could do a short presentation on items I feel strongly about (that aren't covered) such as Michael Servetus.

Um ... maybe later.

I feel I would be remiss if I did not educate my fellow students on Unitarian Universalism -- if they have an understanding of this faith, it will serve both of us well as we each begin our ministerial work. Perhaps they will be the voice that speaks out at an interfaith meeting and says, "Of course we will let a Unitarian Universalist church in."

But I feel it would be premature and inappropriate at this time. Perhaps I'm justifying my reluctance to confront this issue; but it seems that I need more experience with this school before I begin making my voice heard.

After all, I've only had one class. Maybe on Day 2.

Candlelight Vigil, 1000 soldiers

"Oh peace train take this country, come take me home again"

Joined with a couple hundred other people tonight at a candlelight vigil for the 1000 US soldiers killed in Iraq. And tomorrow is Sept. 11. How ironic.

Saw UU's from other churches, including two ministers. How hard it would be, to be in a faith supporting Bush, and the war. To feel I had to hide my feelings about this from my friends.

Can't write much. I feel sad, and hurt, and dismayed because it seems like precious few others are paying attention. Or care. What's a thousand soldiers, more or less? And if they do pay attention, it is to say, "we must stay in this war, to do otherwise would mean their deaths were in vain!" or the apparently ageless, "You can't support the troops if you don't support the war!"

Oh, but a bright spot. Told The Son tonight where I'd been ... his eyes lit up and he looked delighted. "Really? You were holding up a sign and a candle?" I think he'll be old enough for the next one.

Were to God there wasn't a need for a next one.

Time for a Renaissance!

Just found something very encouraging:

"Our Audience.....

The fastest growing, religiously identifiable group in the United States is not the pentecostals or fundamentalists. Rather, it is those who identify themselves as “non-affiliated” (one person called this group the church’s alumni association). In the past half-century, their numbers have grown from 2 percent of the population to 15 percent today. They are people who have spiritual interests and longings, but who cannot accept the dogma and literalism they associate with Christianity.

People who value openness to truth, wherever it may be found
People who give priority to the search over certainty in the life of faith
People who resent Christianity’s claims of superiority over other religious traditions
People who want to be engaged in the struggle for justice and peace"

Lest you think this is so self-serving ... guess what? It wasn't from a Unitarian Universalist website. It came off of the site for the Foundation for Contemporary Theology, a Christian group.

I absolutely believe, with every fiber of my being, that our country is ripe for a Unitarian Universalist renaissance. We have become a church that welcomes humanists, deists, spiritualists, etc. This is the church that so many people want, need ... but don't know it exists.

Why can't we run one ad during the Super Bowl?

No need to hire an ad agency, we wouldn't want anything flashy or wildly creative. Something very simple.

Like a 30-something man, sitting in front of a white background. Just talking.

"I knew I wanted ... something. Spiritually, there was something missing in my life. I wanted a community where I could lead my own spiritual journey, supported by other people doing the same thing. A place where they didn't try and tell me what to believe. A place that valued ethics but didn't say there was only 'one true way.' Because I believe there is wisdom in all the world's religions and I know that the more I learn, the richer my own search for truth and meaning will be. A place that believed in the inherent worth and dignity of all people, welcoming people of all colors, beliefs, ages, orientations ...

Guess what? This religion already exists. It's called Unitarian Universalism and it's one of the oldest religions in our country. How cool is that? Thomas Jefferson was a Unitarian. And Susan B. Anthony. Benjamin Franklin and e.e. cummings. And Paul Newman. Christopher Reeve. And me.

Unitarian Universalism. Your religion, that you never knew existed. Find a congregation near you. UUA.ORG."

Yeah. That's the ad.

Preachin' Day

Yesterday, drove up to see my godparents. The previous day, I had told my 5 y.o. that we were going to see them. Her eyes grew round. "YOU have fairy godparents???" Explained that, no, they were just plain godparents. "I still want to make a wish!" Well, okay, but they can't make it come true. She thought and thought about that. Finally ... "Because they don't have wands?"

Love it.

Preached today at my kissin-cousin church. Love them. They have had a wealth of bad luck, completely not their fault, but they keep persevering, seem to keep positive, and keep growing. Gee, think the latter has anything to do with the two former?

The Godfather of our District came to see me preach, which was great. I call him that, because he seems to know everything that's going on in the district, and seems to know of many connections. For instance, when J-- was 5, we wanted to take him to meet a paleontologist. Emailed The Godfather, who sent an email to a person, who sent it to another, who knew another ... low and behold, we got an appointment with a paleontologist at the state university. On top of all that, he's just one of the nicest guys around. It's like being around a sunbeam. Completely besotted with his minister wife; he said he'd take The Husband under his wing to tell him what it's like to be spouse-to-a-minister. (He reiterated the selling point that hey, The Husband will never have be on a Finance committee again!)

Well, this was the first sermon for me to preach under the description of "a seminary student." Felt great! Not because it lended me any stature -- I think I'm in the wrong religion for that! -- but just because it feels so right. I did a reading by Gary Zukav about "Sacred Tasks" ... it's exactly how I feel right now, for myself.

Have begun saying a little prayer, unabashedly cribbed from an analyst friend of mine who does public speaking. "Please help me to say what someone in this group needs to hear."

Will never know, but can hope ...

Covenant Groups and Small Group Ministry

I just gave a short answer to someone on Coffee Hour inquiring about small group ministry. I've been a big proponent of covenant groups for quite a while, but at General Assembly this year, I got to experience another layer to them.

Thandeka was one of the leaders of the GA covenant groups and in my group, her influence was definitely felt. The goal of "truly listening" was set up to succeed by following a model of quiet voices, silence between each person's comments, no cross talk, and speaking from one's own experience and feelings. ("I feel ..." as opposed to "I think ...")

At first, it was a little foreign and uncomfortable. I was used to lively covenant groups, tons of interrupting and cross talk. Invigorating, but occasionally a bit overwhelming.

This model led to a level of intimacy that could be felt by the second day. People opened up and bonded ... and you walked away feeling refreshed.

We've been integrating that into our covenant groups here at home. For some groups, that method works best just for check in and check out -- the cooking cov group for example. But in other groups, it really helps. There is less of an opportunity for the big mouths in the group (speaking of myself) to overtake the conversation from the quieter folks.

It's definitely a conversion experience, being in a covenant group. There needs to be a time and place at some of these things for ministers to be a part of a covenant group -- not a facilitator, but just an equal member of the group.

Interesting Bible passage

In looking up a passage for my class, came across this:

"Romans 12:17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[4] says the Lord. 20On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."[5] 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

I'm sorry, didn't someone say George W. Bush was a Christian?

Lizard Eater

Am changing the name on my blog, just to make it slightly more difficult to immediately discern my identity. Not that I really care if my secret identity is known; I'm not exactly Clark Kent. But there's a certain amount of freedom in anonymity.

Why Lizard Eater? Pretty simple. In A Little Exercise for Young Theologians, Helmut Thielicke refers to this time (a new theology student) as being intellectual puberty. Your voice is changing, there's changes going on in you that you don't understand, etc.

My dad refers to puberty -- regular puberty, that is, not theological puberty -- as the lizard eating stage. You know how, in springtime, cats that have access to the outdoors start chasing lizards and losing their winter coat and they just look real scrawny and ugly? He says girls do the same thing, about 12ish. Their parts just don't seem to fit together, they get a scrawny, hungry look, they're awkward -- they're in the lizard eating stage. I've seen pictures of myself at this age, and I certainly can't disagree. When Chelsea Clinton was that age, and being made fun of, he said, Now that girl's going to turn into a beauty. She's just in the lizard eating stage.

I don't think I'll physically be getting scrawny (I could only hope!), but I imagine this'll be a time of philosophical and theological awkwardness. So be it.

I wear it with pride. Lizard Eater.

This might be interesting ...

And by interesting, I mean ... "um, how's this going to play out?"

My professor seems nice. He explained that this is a class in systematic theology. He also said you have to believe in the trinity to be a Christian. Um ... guess I won't get into any discussions with him about Michael Servetus.

This is my first graduate level class, so I feel lucky in that he seems to be willing to do a certain amount of hand-holding. He lectures so that students can take notes word for word ... coming from being at UT, quite the novelty. And he allows you the option of giving your term paper rough draft to him for notes before doing the final paper. Will definitely avail myself of that option.

Very into scripture as being the Word of God that we need to consult for all meaning.

Guess I won't tell him that I think Arius and Origen were cool dudes.

God and Bazooka Joe

Picked up some Bazooka Joe bubble gum for my son last week. A comic and a piece of gum -- the simple joys of life.

Just grabbed a couple of pieces to keep me from diving into something more caloric. Forgot that the comic also has a fortune.

"You are anxious to achieve something very important. You will succeed."

I start my first seminary class today and my mind is all full with the many stages I'll need to go through to become a minister. How I'll do this with kids ... get an M. Div, take the UU classes, do an internship, do a hospital chaplaincy, go before the RSCC and the MFC ... and then I get that fortune.

Heh. Would God/the universe/et. al. really speak through a Bazooka Joe fortune?

Unpeel next piece of gum. Read fortune.

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!"

Okay, God. Gotcha. And thanks for chucking me under the chin. I needed it.