Terrific quote from A. Powell Davies

OMG I love this quotation. I used it this past Sunday as part of a homily during our "Revival"/canvass service.

"Why should any of us be confined within a single area of religious culture? When I read Amos and Jeremiah, I say 'Would to God I were a Jew.' When I read the Parable of the Good Samaritan, I say 'Would I were a Galilean.' When I read the 13th of 1st Corinthians, I wish with all my heart that I might be a Christian after the manner of the Apostle Paul. When I think of Buddha and his Eightfold Path, I say, 'I, too, would be a Buddhist.' And when I remember the trial of Socrates, I say in awe but with exalted spirit, 'Oh that I might be so brave a humanist.' And thus at the end, there is nothing I can say but that, like Emerson and Channing, I want to live with the privilege of the illimitable mind.”
-- A. Powell Davies

I'm memorizing it, I love it so much. Sounds even better being proclaimed from the pulpit. Sounds good said aloud, period. Try it, any reader. Read it out loud and feel the thrill ...

pant, pant, pant ...

Taking a breath between projects. Managed to have the canvass dinner (I'm canvass chair this year, as virtue of being "past-president ex-officio member of the board") the same weekend I needed to be working on my midterm. Ah well. Both are over with now. The canvass dinner, held at our church this year, was apparently a success, with good reports from everywhere. A lot of paddling beneath the surface of the water, as it turned out that the restaurant catering the event could NOT do vegetarian fajitas, let alone vegan sides. So, kept that caterer for the carnivores, found another restaurant that catered to veg-heads. And a third quotient, the bakery who made the tres leches cake. Phew.

As to the midterm, I have no idea if I did well. It seemed all the questions were from the notes, not the book, so I just repeated back everything the professor said. We'll see.

And, oh yes, morning sickness. Well, last time for that. Went to a new doctor and am fairly pleased. She was willing to spend more than 5 minutes with me and discuss my bizarre-rare condition (intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy). But if I could ever find a doctor that didn't make me feel like a hypochondriac for being well-researched into my own health, I'd marry 'em!

Boy, I'm whiny today!

So, projects now are my term paper (how philosophy can help us to understand theology, an Augustinian perspective), a new web design client, and of course, the infamous annual Halloween party. Luckily I have many good friends who are bringing food! Bleaugh ...

On typing and learning

I'm a good typist. The one thing that slows me down from being a great typist is that I was out sick in high school on the days when they learned how to type numbers. I never got the practice for that, so it never became a natural part of my finger-mind connection.

So, 20 years later, I still have to look to make sure I'm typing the correct number.

I wonder how many other things are like that. You miss out on two days of information and it affects you the next 20 years ... or rest of your life.

Granted, if it were that important, I could have taught myself how to type numbers. But at some point I learned to 10-key, and with a computer keyboard, that usually works just fine.

A "work around" -- that's what we call it in the computer world, where rather than fixing something, you simply find a way to work around it; an alternate way to take care of it.

Hmm.

Emotionally hurricaned

This -- going to divinity school -- is much more emotionally charged than I expected. I feel stripped raw, and completely alone, which I am. I know it's for a reason, the being alone. It's following the pattern set by me going to GA completely alone, not even meeting anyone I knew for dinner. I know that it's part of the process, for me to have no one whom I can turn to for guidance ... heck, the fact that we lost our minister the month I started school -- obviously, I need to be completely and utterly alone, with no support, so that I can find what I need within me.

It's damn hard.

Okay, so here's the deal ... imagine that there is this one thing that you feel so strongly, passionately about ... so much so, that you get called to make it your mission in life.

BUT ... in order to make it your mission in life, you have to enter a world where all the inhabitants not only negate this one thing you believe in so strongly, they vilify it. Most of them without even realizing that it is *your* religion. AND, you have to learn to speak as they do, seeing what you believe in so strongly through their eyes, justifying their beliefs.

It's exhausting, draining, all those words.

Oh, and you feel that the leader of this little world is hoping that you will change, turn away from what got you here in the first place. So he drops hints about how what you believe is mortally and morally wrong. All said with compassion, and in a gentle voice. He wants you to be Saved.

I know, I know, I know that this is good for me and part of the plan ... strip away, God. Strip away. Oh, and thanks for my copy of InterConnections arriving today. It was a nice sign to pick that up from the mailbox on my way in the house.

Oh, a bit of levity. As I was driving home, I thought with some exasperation, "Can you believe it? I actually feel physically ill from all this!" Then the rational part of me pointed out that, No, it's morning sickness. You haven't eaten in 5 hours.

Tee-hee.

Fourth and Goal!

Am pregnant with fourth and last.

(B, if you're reading this, I haven't told anyone. Please don't share.)

Even though it was planned for, hoped for, still had an hour or two of shock. Reminded myself that it's all part of the plan, I'm in a marathon, not a sprint ... and it is part of the plan. Figured from the get-go that I'd be graduating in about 6 years, which is when It will begin kindergarten. Not that I'm a control freak or anything.

Have only shared it with The Husband and the adopted grandma. Both happy, of course, although the latter appeared to levitate. So good having nice friends.

Morning sickness has kicked in a bit, but am hoping it won't be too bad. Am telling It that I simply don't have time for such things. Just ordered three bags of preggie pops, which may only be a placebo, but if it works, or convinces me it works, it's all the same.

Am a little concerned that preggo-brain has kicked in so ferociously. Major aphasia. Now what's that word ...

Will probably let the kids know after this weekend. Wanted another weekend at church before announcing, and there's no way they could keep it a secret. How in the world do people keep it secret for three months?

Defending beliefs/being quiet

I was happy to meet the director of my school's library yesterday, who coincidentally showed up at my church as speaker. Turns out, he's a Unitarian Christian.

We had a bit of discussion about the conservativeness of The School. He encouraged me to ask my professor if I could do a short presentation on items I feel strongly about (that aren't covered) such as Michael Servetus.

Um ... maybe later.

I feel I would be remiss if I did not educate my fellow students on Unitarian Universalism -- if they have an understanding of this faith, it will serve both of us well as we each begin our ministerial work. Perhaps they will be the voice that speaks out at an interfaith meeting and says, "Of course we will let a Unitarian Universalist church in."

But I feel it would be premature and inappropriate at this time. Perhaps I'm justifying my reluctance to confront this issue; but it seems that I need more experience with this school before I begin making my voice heard.

After all, I've only had one class. Maybe on Day 2.

Candlelight Vigil, 1000 soldiers

"Oh peace train take this country, come take me home again"

Joined with a couple hundred other people tonight at a candlelight vigil for the 1000 US soldiers killed in Iraq. And tomorrow is Sept. 11. How ironic.

Saw UU's from other churches, including two ministers. How hard it would be, to be in a faith supporting Bush, and the war. To feel I had to hide my feelings about this from my friends.

Can't write much. I feel sad, and hurt, and dismayed because it seems like precious few others are paying attention. Or care. What's a thousand soldiers, more or less? And if they do pay attention, it is to say, "we must stay in this war, to do otherwise would mean their deaths were in vain!" or the apparently ageless, "You can't support the troops if you don't support the war!"

Oh, but a bright spot. Told The Son tonight where I'd been ... his eyes lit up and he looked delighted. "Really? You were holding up a sign and a candle?" I think he'll be old enough for the next one.

Were to God there wasn't a need for a next one.

Time for a Renaissance!

Just found something very encouraging:

"Our Audience.....

The fastest growing, religiously identifiable group in the United States is not the pentecostals or fundamentalists. Rather, it is those who identify themselves as “non-affiliated” (one person called this group the church’s alumni association). In the past half-century, their numbers have grown from 2 percent of the population to 15 percent today. They are people who have spiritual interests and longings, but who cannot accept the dogma and literalism they associate with Christianity.

People who value openness to truth, wherever it may be found
People who give priority to the search over certainty in the life of faith
People who resent Christianity’s claims of superiority over other religious traditions
People who want to be engaged in the struggle for justice and peace"

Lest you think this is so self-serving ... guess what? It wasn't from a Unitarian Universalist website. It came off of the site for the Foundation for Contemporary Theology, a Christian group.

I absolutely believe, with every fiber of my being, that our country is ripe for a Unitarian Universalist renaissance. We have become a church that welcomes humanists, deists, spiritualists, etc. This is the church that so many people want, need ... but don't know it exists.

Why can't we run one ad during the Super Bowl?

No need to hire an ad agency, we wouldn't want anything flashy or wildly creative. Something very simple.

Like a 30-something man, sitting in front of a white background. Just talking.

"I knew I wanted ... something. Spiritually, there was something missing in my life. I wanted a community where I could lead my own spiritual journey, supported by other people doing the same thing. A place where they didn't try and tell me what to believe. A place that valued ethics but didn't say there was only 'one true way.' Because I believe there is wisdom in all the world's religions and I know that the more I learn, the richer my own search for truth and meaning will be. A place that believed in the inherent worth and dignity of all people, welcoming people of all colors, beliefs, ages, orientations ...

Guess what? This religion already exists. It's called Unitarian Universalism and it's one of the oldest religions in our country. How cool is that? Thomas Jefferson was a Unitarian. And Susan B. Anthony. Benjamin Franklin and e.e. cummings. And Paul Newman. Christopher Reeve. And me.

Unitarian Universalism. Your religion, that you never knew existed. Find a congregation near you. UUA.ORG."

Yeah. That's the ad.

Preachin' Day

Yesterday, drove up to see my godparents. The previous day, I had told my 5 y.o. that we were going to see them. Her eyes grew round. "YOU have fairy godparents???" Explained that, no, they were just plain godparents. "I still want to make a wish!" Well, okay, but they can't make it come true. She thought and thought about that. Finally ... "Because they don't have wands?"

Love it.

Preached today at my kissin-cousin church. Love them. They have had a wealth of bad luck, completely not their fault, but they keep persevering, seem to keep positive, and keep growing. Gee, think the latter has anything to do with the two former?

The Godfather of our District came to see me preach, which was great. I call him that, because he seems to know everything that's going on in the district, and seems to know of many connections. For instance, when J-- was 5, we wanted to take him to meet a paleontologist. Emailed The Godfather, who sent an email to a person, who sent it to another, who knew another ... low and behold, we got an appointment with a paleontologist at the state university. On top of all that, he's just one of the nicest guys around. It's like being around a sunbeam. Completely besotted with his minister wife; he said he'd take The Husband under his wing to tell him what it's like to be spouse-to-a-minister. (He reiterated the selling point that hey, The Husband will never have be on a Finance committee again!)

Well, this was the first sermon for me to preach under the description of "a seminary student." Felt great! Not because it lended me any stature -- I think I'm in the wrong religion for that! -- but just because it feels so right. I did a reading by Gary Zukav about "Sacred Tasks" ... it's exactly how I feel right now, for myself.

Have begun saying a little prayer, unabashedly cribbed from an analyst friend of mine who does public speaking. "Please help me to say what someone in this group needs to hear."

Will never know, but can hope ...

Covenant Groups and Small Group Ministry

I just gave a short answer to someone on Coffee Hour inquiring about small group ministry. I've been a big proponent of covenant groups for quite a while, but at General Assembly this year, I got to experience another layer to them.

Thandeka was one of the leaders of the GA covenant groups and in my group, her influence was definitely felt. The goal of "truly listening" was set up to succeed by following a model of quiet voices, silence between each person's comments, no cross talk, and speaking from one's own experience and feelings. ("I feel ..." as opposed to "I think ...")

At first, it was a little foreign and uncomfortable. I was used to lively covenant groups, tons of interrupting and cross talk. Invigorating, but occasionally a bit overwhelming.

This model led to a level of intimacy that could be felt by the second day. People opened up and bonded ... and you walked away feeling refreshed.

We've been integrating that into our covenant groups here at home. For some groups, that method works best just for check in and check out -- the cooking cov group for example. But in other groups, it really helps. There is less of an opportunity for the big mouths in the group (speaking of myself) to overtake the conversation from the quieter folks.

It's definitely a conversion experience, being in a covenant group. There needs to be a time and place at some of these things for ministers to be a part of a covenant group -- not a facilitator, but just an equal member of the group.

Interesting Bible passage

In looking up a passage for my class, came across this:

"Romans 12:17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[4] says the Lord. 20On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."[5] 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

I'm sorry, didn't someone say George W. Bush was a Christian?

Lizard Eater

Am changing the name on my blog, just to make it slightly more difficult to immediately discern my identity. Not that I really care if my secret identity is known; I'm not exactly Clark Kent. But there's a certain amount of freedom in anonymity.

Why Lizard Eater? Pretty simple. In A Little Exercise for Young Theologians, Helmut Thielicke refers to this time (a new theology student) as being intellectual puberty. Your voice is changing, there's changes going on in you that you don't understand, etc.

My dad refers to puberty -- regular puberty, that is, not theological puberty -- as the lizard eating stage. You know how, in springtime, cats that have access to the outdoors start chasing lizards and losing their winter coat and they just look real scrawny and ugly? He says girls do the same thing, about 12ish. Their parts just don't seem to fit together, they get a scrawny, hungry look, they're awkward -- they're in the lizard eating stage. I've seen pictures of myself at this age, and I certainly can't disagree. When Chelsea Clinton was that age, and being made fun of, he said, Now that girl's going to turn into a beauty. She's just in the lizard eating stage.

I don't think I'll physically be getting scrawny (I could only hope!), but I imagine this'll be a time of philosophical and theological awkwardness. So be it.

I wear it with pride. Lizard Eater.

This might be interesting ...

And by interesting, I mean ... "um, how's this going to play out?"

My professor seems nice. He explained that this is a class in systematic theology. He also said you have to believe in the trinity to be a Christian. Um ... guess I won't get into any discussions with him about Michael Servetus.

This is my first graduate level class, so I feel lucky in that he seems to be willing to do a certain amount of hand-holding. He lectures so that students can take notes word for word ... coming from being at UT, quite the novelty. And he allows you the option of giving your term paper rough draft to him for notes before doing the final paper. Will definitely avail myself of that option.

Very into scripture as being the Word of God that we need to consult for all meaning.

Guess I won't tell him that I think Arius and Origen were cool dudes.

God and Bazooka Joe

Picked up some Bazooka Joe bubble gum for my son last week. A comic and a piece of gum -- the simple joys of life.

Just grabbed a couple of pieces to keep me from diving into something more caloric. Forgot that the comic also has a fortune.

"You are anxious to achieve something very important. You will succeed."

I start my first seminary class today and my mind is all full with the many stages I'll need to go through to become a minister. How I'll do this with kids ... get an M. Div, take the UU classes, do an internship, do a hospital chaplaincy, go before the RSCC and the MFC ... and then I get that fortune.

Heh. Would God/the universe/et. al. really speak through a Bazooka Joe fortune?

Unpeel next piece of gum. Read fortune.

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!"

Okay, God. Gotcha. And thanks for chucking me under the chin. I needed it.

Introspection: Struggle between anti-elitism and frustration with complacency toward mediocrity

This is an issue for me. An area in which I need to come to some understanding, and an easing in judgment. Or do I. And there's the rub ... I don't like elitist attitudes; I think they're subjective and judgmental. To whit, the "Oh, I never watch tv. I just listen to NPR; tv is an idiot box" attitude. I think it hurts our religion. We accept our smallness by patting ourselves on the back and saying, "Well, quality not quantity."

But equally ... no, even more so ... I dislike the complacency with mediocrity that our country seems to be swimming in. Our boys and girls are dying in Iraq and it looks like they were sent there for no good reason -- "change the channel and turn on Survivor, Herb, and bring me those new Cattle-Ranch-Xtreme Doritos." Our popular tv shows and movies all trump good ole down home mediocrity over intellectual superiority. We are constantly being shown a puffed-up PhD who knows nothing of substance being triumphed over by a street kid with an 8th grade education. It is one thing to see that there is beauty and wisdom in simply living a normal life ... and quite another to feel that there is no personal need to better yourself through continuously educating yourself.

So, I'm torn one way and another -- and wind up judging both sides. Those who pat themselves on the back for never eating Velveeta and those who refuse to consider trying Thai food ... I judge you. Is it merely that I feel judged by both? By one, for being so "common man" and by the other, for being so ... well ... elite?

This is something I need to get to the bottom of.

And just for the record ... I like boiled peanuts. But I also like a glass of the Rabbit Ridge 2002 LPR Special Reserve Paso Robles.

Divinity Nerd

Registered yesterday, so I am officially, now, a seminarian. A divinity student. (That makes me think of the candy.) A ministerial student.

K-- asked me how it felt to be a seminarian. "Well, I feel about 1000 bucks lighter ..."

Got my first textbook -- Christian Theology, an introduction by Alister E. McGrath. Devoured the first chapter last night on the Patristic period last night. Reading about the debates that happened between 100-500 AD, that set up the Christian doctrine -- fascinating. Of course, being the heathen I am, I'm rooting for the heretics and seeing the "great Christian theologians" as the bad guys. But what great heretics! Like Justin Martyr, who saw Platonic philosophy and Christ's message as two different ways of finding the same wisdom. Completely shot down by Augustine, who was horrified by such talk. And then, the pig, he declared that all pre-Christian culture and thought was ripe for appropriation by saying that those pagans who came up with wisdom were stealing it from God's mine, since they used it for non-Christian purposes, so the Christians were correct in taking it back and using it for the power of good.

Oh, hell.

I'm a divinity nerd.

I'm IN! I think ...

Well, I'm in, I think. I got a call back from The School. They've received everything except my recommendation from B--, which I know is on the way. Was invited to come tomorrow to register, which I'm going to attempt to do WITH L-- and a backpack stuffed with distractions. Saturday, 9-12, is orientation, then class starts Monday. Am excited, scared, all that. It feels like I'm on the right path ... hopefully, I will have a better feel after I began my class.

B-- clued me in that at some point in the process, I'll need to go before a district sub-committee, which will apparently grill me things before I can become a candidate. Then, at the end of the process, I'll be quizzed by the MFC about my knowledge of religions, UU stuff, and situational role-plays. Have been perusing the 34 page list of sample question. Oh, ye Gods and little fishes.

Have been made acutely aware of how very much I don't know.

PaCHINKO! GRRR.

Am having a hard time remembering the inherent worth and dignity of a nameless faceless person out there.

Got in the car with Lily this morning to run an errand -- then realized that most of my back window was gone. The rest, completely shattered into a cobweb.

Apparently, some yayhoos drove by and --get this-- used a pachinko ball and a sling shot to bust out our window. The officer who came by explained that it's quite popular, especially on minivans.

$350 to get it fixed. Would love to have the opportunity to get to know the punk that did it; have him over to my house, make him a nice dinner, let him meet my kids -- allow him to put a face to this stupid stunt. $350 ain't chump change around here.

Really, really pissed.

Oh, and I left a message with the grad school. They haven't called back yet.

Another of ours goes to Iraq

Well, D-- came up to me at church and admitted that he's going to Iraq. Looks like he's going to get a job with KBR (Halliburton) and will be going over for a year. Leaving behind D-- and their kiddos. Just like B--, who is over there now, leaving behind C-- and their three little ones.

I want to say, "Why, why," but I can't, because I know why. Good money. Great money, really. Both were in situations where they had lost jobs, and just couldn't get back in place. We, who are not in that position can say, "I would never ..." Of course, "I would never" is a great luxury. You don't know what you would do until you're in the situation.

So, I set my attention to the ones left behind and how we can help them. That has to be so hard for them. They can't comfort themselves with the thought that "Well, he's going over there to defend his country." (Granted, it is probably hard for those who love our actual servicemen and women to say that and believe it right now.) It's a business decision. Economics. They're going over, not to protect their families in some ideological way, but in a real, concrete way. They are risking their lives to take care of their families, financially.

Is this a male thing? A throwback to the nuclear family? Both have spouses who work full-time. But in today's economy, it's just so hard.

I am so incredibly lucky. And I am always aware of it. I have the luxury of "I would never ..."

If you're unhappy where you are ...

If you're unhappy where you are -- maybe, where you're living, or where you're working -- take a look around. It may be that you're there *not* for you, but for you to help someone else. You might be really needed.

Not that you shouldn't try and change your situation. But if the change just isn't happening, or is taking a while, look deep into the faces of those around you. The single mother next door, the quiet coworker. You might be sent there to help them through a difficult time.