For those ministers and DREs moving to Texas, there are
certain things you should understand about this strange, foreign, beautiful,
insane land.
First step is to determine whether you are in a Texas UU
Church. This is not as easy as it sounds. There are UU churches in Texas where
the leaders in the church for decades have been from Not Around Here, notably
Michigan. This will be a different culture than the UU churches made up of born
and bred Texans.
If you’re in a Texas UU Church, there is a good chance that
the children and youth will call all adults by their first name, preceded by
“Mr.” or “Miss.” “Miss,” in this manner, is used indiscriminately to refer to
both married and unmarried women. When the youth graduates high school, they
will go off to college or begin a job. When they return to the church for a
visit, they will no longer use a salutation when talking to an adult. This is a
Rite Of Passage, never formalized, keenly observed.
If you have a nickname, use it. I mean, not if it’s
“Booger,” or “Keg Face,” but Bill, Jack, Cathy, etc. We like nicknames. It
tells us you’re not stuck-up.
However, if someone’s nametag says, “Elizabeth,” and you
hear her called, “Liz,” don’t automatically call her Liz. (This goes in all
instances, not just for people named Elizabeth.) There is an element of
familiarity with nicknames, and whereas some people go by their nick all the
time, others are only called the nickname by people they are close to.
This is especially true in the matter of men, and what they
are called by their spouses, especially if their nickname ends in “Y.” Tommy,
Kenny, you get the picture. Unless the guy directly says, “My name is Timmy,”
call him Tim. Otherwise, it’s going to seem like an alpha-male, patronizing
throw-down.
Some of us, even as adults, call our parents Mama and Daddy.
This is neither cute nor quaint, nor does it indicate a different educational
level. It’s Southern culture.
Funerals are deeply meaningful rituals that facilitate the
grief process in a formal, communal way. As the minister, you will be
remembered for generations for your grace at this time. That being said, if
there aren’t enough deviled eggs at the reception afterward, that’s the only
thing that will be remembered.
If you are a female minister, women will often begin their
conversations with you by commenting favorably on your shoes. This does not
indicate shallowness on their part, it is a social nicety, not unlike Hindus
greeting each other with a bow and “Namaste.” After the social niceties have
been observed, the real conversation can begin. If she has ever met your
mother, the shoe comment will also be combined with concern for her well-being,
in the word noted by author Jill Conner Browne, “CuteShoesHow’sYourMama?”
We are in changing times, and it will take sensitive religious
professionals to be able to negotiate through the grief and confusion this year
and probably for the next several. Thanksgiving may elicit emotions among your
congregants ranging from anger, to disillusionment, to depression. For
generations, new Texas ministers and DREs needed only to be clued in that the
Sunday after Thanksgiving, they were to wear neither burnt orange nor maroon, as
feelings would be running high. Now, bereft congregants may feel lost and uncertain of the future. You will need to be tender to their feelings, and just in
case, don’t wear red, either.
There is no one Texas accent, there are many. Someone from
East Texas will have a soft, Southern accent. Those in West Texas will hit
their “R”s pretty hard and have more of a twang. And everybody in Austin sounds
like Matthew McConaughey. No one knows why.
Oh, one last note. If someone says, “Bless your heart,” it’s
neither kind nor complimentary. You might want to start putting your search
packet together.
